My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
