Got a toothbrush?
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
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Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
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