Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
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