I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
