I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
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