ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
