Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
