All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
