My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
