Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
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i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize