People in love make me want to vomit
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
Randomize
