$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize
