why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
