What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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