I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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