Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Randomize
