A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
We have so much sex to catch up on
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
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