I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Randomize
