I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
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