just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
Randomize
