Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
My vagina just clenched in fear
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
I've never met a penis that didn't think I was awesome.
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