I haven't been this sober since birth.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Randomize
