I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
You were trust falling into bushes
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
