so let's talk penis.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
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