GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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