I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Randomize
