Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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