I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
Randomize
