I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Would you and/or him be willing to dress up like the phantom, sing me music of the night and then bone the shit out of me? this is important.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
