i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
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