The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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