we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
FUCK WHALES
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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