The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
