Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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