She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
