Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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