would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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