no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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