I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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