There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Randomize
