We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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