He had one of those small greek statue penises
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Randomize
