i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
