I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
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I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
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Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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