I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
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