you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
How external is "for external use only"?
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
