I'd wear matching sweaters with you
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
