I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
