Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
