Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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