Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
