he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
