In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
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