...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize
