girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
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