You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
