I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
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