Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
My drunken abilities have only improved since college....I can navigate the streets of chicago like no ones business, do push-ups to hail a taxi and instantly become an mma fighter after 3 shots of hennessy
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
