I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
Randomize
