im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
