Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
