I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
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