; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Randomize
