How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
Randomize
