I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
