I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
oh don't forget that when we go furniture shopping we have to find a matching bong so put more money in the furniture fund
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
Randomize
