I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
